It happens all too often. I have a client come in ready to file for divorce, and they pay me to do so and then….disappear.
It’s too stressful. There’s too much pain. The thought of dealing with the pain is debilitating. There has been so much trauma in the relationship it feels impossible to face. Even ending it requires more energy than they have.
The American Psychiatric Association defines trauma as:
“Psychological trauma is an affliction of the powerless. At the moment of trauma, the victim is rendered helpless by overwhelming force. The force is that of nature, we speak of disasters. When the force is that of human beings, we speak of atrocities. Traumatic events overwhelm the ordinary systems of care that give people a sense of control, connection and meaning.”
What could be more traumatic than have love turned to suffering and literally everything important to you – home, family, financial security – all tied up in that loss?
At our office, we do understand trauma and attempt to acknowledge what you’re going through and help you to overcome it. We cannot change how not trauma informed the court system and other attorneys can be, but we can help to protect and navigate you through the worst. If you feel overwhelmed by trauma, we advise the following to prepare for divorce:
- Get in and stay in a therapeutic setting where a trauma informed therapist can help you to deal with the upcoming changes and challenges.
- Surround yourself with a team of friends and family who are supportive, who do not undermine or re-traumatize you. Create boundaries against those who may do you more harm than good.
- Put together a bag of coping tools – puzzles, needlework, books, whatever takes your mind off things when you need to escape for a little bit and use it.
- But don’t avoid – because ultimately dealing with these things far later can create harm that could have been reduced or avoided. Consult with an attorney to see if that sort of situation is something you are in danger of, or if you can take your time.
- Arm yourself with – accurate- information about the process from a qualified attorney (not Google or AI who can provide rough guidelines but honestly will mislead you if you aren’t careful).
If you need to talk about it and aren’t ready to go through the divorce process yet, please don’t feel that we don’t want to hear from you. We’d rather counsel you a year early and have you armed with information to help you prepare then have you make mistakes and wait until you’re ready to file.
Please take care of yourself. We will do everything we can to help.